why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
