Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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