I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
