so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
