That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
