When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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