Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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