I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
do nipples grow back?
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