I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
