Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the gays at disneyland are vicious
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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