When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
