you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
