Well apparently he's into motor boating.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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