i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
