I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize