you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
3pm strippers are depressing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
