she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
