I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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