And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
