all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
