I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This toilet bowl is my home.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
