I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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