I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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