Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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