we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
