Your tits are I can't wait for
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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