so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
