he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
