Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Of course I have a pirate flag
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
