New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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