uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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