I cockslap morals
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Couch. On fire.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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