I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
