You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
