umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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