I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
