I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
