Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
