hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
