I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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