Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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