If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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