You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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