This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I believe in your delicious
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize