eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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