at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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