I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
