He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
