oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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