were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize