I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
