Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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