I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize