Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
