K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want to fling myself into the sun
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
