Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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