That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
