well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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