The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
