Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
