On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
