just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
