my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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