He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
