You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
