dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
