What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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