I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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