omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
