so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
