After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
