Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
