Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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