nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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