her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize