He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
