i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
