why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
