Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
