Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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