Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
false alarm, still single
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