Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
