Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
