Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
