At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
