apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Text me some of your sweat
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