i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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