I just threw up on my dentist
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
