just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize