i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
