She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
