On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
