Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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