I think im going to throw up on grandma
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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