she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
