No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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