I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
