you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
