haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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