How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
