I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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